My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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