My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
