a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
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