does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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