i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
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I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
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YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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