Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
