I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
