Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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You brought string cheese to the strip club
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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