Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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