Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
