This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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