watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Randomize
