She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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