for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I am one with the molecules
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
