She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
