Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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