I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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