I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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