Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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