Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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