Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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