I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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