hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
