She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
