Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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