I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
