I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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