New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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