im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
