the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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