matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
