the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
