You smell like stripper and shame
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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