Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
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I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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