I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
