"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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