I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
