Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
