I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
