Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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