Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
