Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
