this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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