just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
