But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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