i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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