yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
