I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
they're like a gay fantastic four
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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