No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
