I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
