and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
