So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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