So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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