I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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