Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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