Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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