As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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