sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
