Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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