ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
