Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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