um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
