Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
too bad you live with your parents still
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
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She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
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Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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