Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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