Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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