I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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