So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
