Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
