we have pet lesbian snakes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
