im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dicks are not precious.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
