Already got asked if we're dating
Say something about gay babies.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize