Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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